Tag Archives: America

People Kill People Quickly and Easily with Guns

I was behind one of those vehicles that look like a van that was morphing into an SUV but stopped halfway the other day, and I saw the cutest li’l bumper sticker slapped on the back:

This bumper sticker was purchased because, “That oughtta make them panty-waist pinkos think!”  What it does is show how flawed the logic of the average gun-obsessed blackophobe really is.

Maybe it should read, “If guns kill people, shouldn’t we have as few of them around as possible?”  Of course, that’s not what they’re going for, and in fact that’s the very argument (that no one makes) that they are trying to refute with their clever last line, “Do pencils misspell words?”

The problem with this is that the gun-slinging, killing-in-self-defense-fantasizing idiots don’t understand that the people who are “against guns” are actually against giving guns to morons, violent criminals, jocko-homo frat boys, ‘roid-ragers, drunks, the seriously depressed, people hell-bent on murder, gangsters, pimps, nationalists and others for whom access to quick and easy killing should not be permitted for the sake of a safe and orderly society.  To use the “slippery-slope” argument, a conservative favorite (you’re familiar with, “If we let gays get married, then what’s to stop me from marrying a sheep?”), I could say that I want to own an atomic bomb and forty cruise missiles to protect myself and my family and you’re infringing on my Second Amendment rights if you deny me these weapons; or I could argue that children be allowed to pack heat because the Second Amendment says that this right “shall not be infringed”.  Would anyone say these are good ideas?  Very few would, and only to prove some stupid point– “YEAH, I DO THINK CHILDREN SHOULD BE ABLE TO PACK HEAT!!!  THE TREE OF LIBERTY MUST BLAH BLAH BLAH THOMAS JEFFERSON!!!”

If the slippery-slope examples seem a little unreasonable, that’s because they always are, but we can take something from the second example.  The reasons children shouldn’t be allowed to have guns are the same for the rest of the people mentioned above: they are mentally unsound; they do not understand the consequences of their actions; they act out for attention; they will try anything once; they act before they think; they love shortcuts; they live in fear and jealousy of others, especially others who look or act nothing like them; they make rash decisions; they make horrible mistakes; they think blood and death are really cool; other things like that.

Now for that tricky fortress of logic that cannot be penetrated: “Do pencils misspell words?”  No.  Pencils are not agents, either, and no one outside of an asylum has ever argued otherwise, but pencils are one of the quickest, easiest ways to misspell a word.  If I want to misspell something then, damn it, give me a pencil!

The real problem is that certain people want to be able to do whatever they want to do all the time since they are otherwise law-abiding and would never hurt anyone, but don’t think how under Equal Protection they are granting these rights to everyone, even the ones who have or will hurt someone.  You cannot possibly know if someone is going to use a gun to kill, but you can prevent needless death by preventing some guns from ever being sold, putting tight restrictions on who can get the ones that are available, and seeing to it that the ones who have proven themselves childish, abusive, short-fused, mentally unsound, or otherwise problematic never get to hold a firearm.

And for all the raving about owning whatever guns you want being a Second Amendment right– who cares?  There is an Elastic Clause, afterall, that says we can amend anything we want to amend in the Constitution, including the Amendments themselves.  I am one of those who would like a new interpretation or a complete overhaul of the language of the Second Amendment so that it cannot be used for gun-crazy lunatics who claim they love America more than I do because, “I SUPPORT ALL THE AMENDMENTS BUT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH OUR FREEDOMS!”  So I guess you wouldn’t have wanted to repeal those Prohibition laws, Ricky Junior?