Hello again, league of fans. I’ve decided to revive this blog once again just so I can talk about a new love in my life. It cannot hold a conversation, it isn’t pretty, and it barely tastes good, but it’s making me feel a whole lot better. It’s prune juice, and I’m a living testament to its awesome power. Just eight ounces a day will turn your lower intestine into a well-oiled machine– forget Jiffy Lube! I’ve shed a few pounds in the past couple weeks and I think most of the credit goes to this miracle juice (how do they get juice out of a dried plum?). Try it.
In other news, boycott Arizona. That means no Diamondbacks games, no Arizona Tea, and a big celebration for the Phoenix Coyotes’ game 7 loss to Detroit in the NHL playoffs. Take that, racial profiling police-state assholes!
Also, I’ve come to realize that I don’t believe anyone is evil, not even Bin Laden or Dick Cheney. Does that mean I don’t think anyone is actually good, either? No, because Jonathan Mattox exists. Oh well.
And thus begins the new Slapdash Period for the Examiner. Tell your friends!
